Never put up with abusive behavior in the name of “submitting” to someone. The national domestic abuse hotline is 1-80. If you are in a relationship where abuse is taking place, it’s urgent that you seek help immediately. Both husband and wife reflect the image of God, and any actions, physical, verbal, emotional, financial, spiritual, sexual, or otherwise, that minimize or attack God’s image in another person is a grave sin and should never be tolerated. What does this mean? Submission must never be abuseįirst off, honoring God’s word means that abusing or controlling a spouse is never acceptable. In marriage, this means that submission is not limited to the wife! Both husband and wife are called to submit to one another. Submission is a quality of life among Spirit-filled believers. Spirit-filled living is a commitment that all believers are called to make to each other, and it is a readiness to imitate Christ by valuing others above ourselves and looking not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others. The point is this: submitting ourselves to one another is a mark of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives! One of the ways that we see the Spirit working in our lives is in the way that we put the needs of others before our own, serving them even in lowly tasks (like washing feet!). And then he gives a series of images, all participles, illustrating exactly what that looks like: “speaking,” “singing,” “making music,” “giving thanks,” and yes, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” We don’t say “Running around the block” unless we attach it to a verb like “She went.” So, to what verb does “submitting” attach? Look all the way back at verse 18, where Paul commands all believers to “be filled with the Spirit.” This is the main command! Paul is instructing all believers to live a life that is Spirit-led, and Spirit-directed. That matters, because participles never stand alone they are always attached to a main verb. It's an ongoing action that usually ends with I-N-G (like “running”). First, the word “submit” in the original language is a participle. Without getting lost in the weeds of grammar, there are two things that are crucial to understand. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Look carefully at what Paul says just before he instructs husbands and wives in their respective roles: Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. And, tragically, this distortion of Paul’s words has even been used to justify abuse. And sometimes this has led to husbands seeing their role as that of a dominant partner, while their wives are to follow orders. Sometimes, though, by trying to focus on the difference in the roles of husbands and wives, we lose sight of the bigger picture of how they are fundamentally similar. Later, In his letter to the Ephesian church, the Apostle Paul offers memorable instructions for marriage, in which wives are called to submit to their husbands, and husbands to love their wives. At the last supper, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples in an act of self-giving that made some of them uncomfortable in receiving such submission. Putting each other first, symbolized in “foot-washing,” is the biblical pattern for married life. The foot soap was to be an enduring reminder that our calling as husband and wife was to serve one another day in, and day out. Why? Just as our guests sat down to eat our chicken entrees, before Uncle Ben offered a prayer for the food, he presented us with the foot soap and explained to us that a healthy marriage involves washing one another’s feet. While this wasn’t exactly something on our gift registry, this simple gift has been one that we have valued for our nearly 20 years of marriage. As a gift for our wedding, my uncle gave my wife and me a box of Johnson’s Foot Soap.
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